Its been 2 years. You must have noticed it too. Completely disappeared into the midst and then returned for unexpected hello. Hello especially to the 480 blog subscribers. Masa yang saya tunggu-tunggu adalah sekarang.

These two years I migrated from Lenggong to Sungai Buloh. After a steep pitfall that smacked flat my 2.5-year-old business I just had to look for a way out of the situation. I’ve been working 16 hours in a day at the moment. My mentor wiped clean our shares, no local orders issued as promised, credits accumulated. While I lied on my back before asleep I prayed everyday for second chance. “Ya Allah, kau berikanlah aku peluang kedua untuk membuktikan diriku..berikan walau peluangnya kecil sekalipun, akanku rebut bersungguh-sungguh”. He gave it. I pursues master degree in molecular medicine, Faculty of Medicine UiTM Sg Buloh (MSc in Medicine).

It wasn’t easy right from the beginning. No research grant, no scholarship, no place to stay, no money. I submitted my research proposal and the faculty’s board of committee liked it. Took me two months to wrote the proposal, I never knew anything about cancer research. I was guided by my supervisors through phone calls and emails. I saw her for the first time 4 months later, a week after registration as student.

It took me 11 months before I established my very first experimental result. 11 months of delay is a pain to any postgraduate students.  Self esteem smashed, minus zero. I have no experience what-so-ever in molecular research, no biomedical background, nothing. I learned to deal with suppliers. I was fooled to be waiting for my purchased goods for months, whereas it may only take weeks. I received corrupted biochemicals, which is not my fault. Thousands of ringgit wasted as my experiments were sabotaged by it. I learned from zero how to culture human cells in vitro. I ditched old habits, developed new ones. I grew to become more organized, focused and cool/patient.

Once I established my first results, the following results occured in chained reactions. I managed to get 70-80% of my labwork done in one semester, 3 oral presentations and 2 posters. My supervisor never watched my presentations. Right from the day I was interviewed by the committee as new student, defense proposal, conferences, phd conversion..she believes I can do it on my own, from that very first day she accepted me as her first postgraduate student. I like it this way too.

I always wear the same baju kurung when I had to meet the faculty committee. The same baju kurung I wore for the first time they interviewed me as new student. The reason is always the same, I want the dean, the deputy dean, the registrar, the committee members to remember me. I remember their kindness, so I’d like them to remember me, that once upon a time..they gave opportunities to a young girl. Accepted her into the faculty (which I had never imagined before), gave her scholarship,  upgraded her into PhD conversion. Saya anak melayu yang tahu kenang budi. Budi ni boleh bawa mati.

People here doesn’t know much about what I did before postgraduate study. I don’t exposed much these days, it was very tough before so probably I don’t feel like talking about it. I started very humble here, I maintained to be humble. I believe if you want to be outstanding, you should do that at the right platform e.g. scientific papers, presentations, conferences. Only humbleness let you live in any situation. Although I stayed below the radar most of the time, usually I make my way in anything in the lab :) simply because I genuinely respect all people. So people take care of my interests.

So today I feel like writing again, because I’ve promised myself that I will write again when the university officially approved my conversion status from master degree to PhD. Not because of pride. Because of MEANING.

The entrance of 2012 begins with my comeback in the industry. Slowly.

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